Noisy. Colorful. Lively.

To the perky moms at Chick-Fil-A:

Your kids are a couple of punks.

Punks who will grow up to be real douche bags if you don’t get it together now.

Oh, and someday, my kid will be big enough to defend himself. Then you’re douche bag punks better watch it.

Unitl then, you’re on my short list.

Sincerely,

Mama Lion Monica

Whew! This past week was a whirlwind. I. am. so. glad. it’s. over!

Simeon had his speech evaluation. He’s got the therapist baffled. She cannot figure out what his problem is. Hmmm….. Still, she’s going to try to help him. We should be seeing her regularly.

Baby girl went home Saturday. I miss her, but I really like sleeping through the night! The next time we get an infant, I don’t care the cost, I’m getting a co-sleeper crib. DFCS can take 4am feedings and shove it (says the woman who has yet to recover the many hours lost)! I’m such a light sleeper and it takes me forever to fall asleep. I found with baby girl, I was only sleeping 3 or 4 hours a night and I nearly lost my mind! A co-sleeper will help me from having to walk to the the other room for every little peep, thus saving me the full waking.

The baby shower went off without a hitch. Mom to be was blessed and I was so excited to be a part of that.

I’ve been doing research into therapeutic parenting for Simeon. It encourages things like whispering instead of yelling, and my favorite “out crazy the crazy” Seriously?! Can I get an AMEN?! I can out crazy some crazy. The other day Simeon had staged a coup and was about 20 seconds from shutting down (shutting down is rapidly followed by rages). I did not have the energy for a rage. So, as I watched my little boy’s body tense, and saw his eyes losing focus, I screamed:

OH. MY. GOODNESS. SIMEON. HELP!!!!

I began panting as his eyes popped wide open and into focus. I threw my arms around his waist and dragged him off of his bed. I was shaking and said “I don’t know what to do, what will I do? please come look! We need to look!”

I had no plan, but about halfway to the kitchen remembered I had challah loaves in the fridge. I dropped S to his feet, threw open the fridge and began ripping the plastic wrap off of the pan. “PLEASE!! PLEASE BE OKAY!!! IS IT OK? DOES IT LOOK OK? HAS IT FALLEN FLAT??!!!!” I began pushing on the challah to see if was still risen (of course it was) and Simeon, still baffled, began tentatively feeling the loaf closest to him. I collapsed back on my feet: “Whew! it’s ok. I’m so glad it’s still ok. Thank you so much for helping. Hey, would you like to go back to your room and take a nap?”

That did the trick. He took my hand and walked back to his room. I tucked him in and he slept like a normal, healthy, less crazy than his foster mom baby. The adrenaline rush worked for both of us. It helped to bring his focus out and got the blood pumping. He was able to forget that tiny angry emotion he was ballooning into a rage and I was able to control my own frustration.

Brilliant! So for the next few weeks we’ll be trying to top each other’s crazy… it should be fun!

I have an insanely busy week: visitations, home visits, speech therapy, social therapy, prepare for a party, go to a dinner, host a party, juggle a three year old and a three month old. I’m not sleeping much at night (that would be because of baby girl), but have more on my plate this week than I’ve had in months. I’m not complaining. I know there are moms who juggle way more than I do, and I would choose to face this week again and again if it means spending time with baby girl and getting Simeon the help he needs, but I’m tired and blogging must be last on the list of things to get done. A long list that will be stamped incomplete well before I get to end. I am taking a break for post a link to this foster father’s blog.

He responds to the dumbest question/comment foster parents get and I really like the way he says it. It’s good to know we’re not alone.

Hope you all have a wonderful week. Love you bunches!

Baby girl is something to behold. She’s like a little chocolate truffle. Round as round can be. She’s got Diana Ross hair and an old soul face. When she looks up at us, it’s like she’s either gonna demand some r-e-s-p-e-c-t, or tell us the secret to getting our biscuits flaky, not crumbly. And she’s beautiful, but not simply beautiful, she’s strong beautiful. I’m sold.

Her long term placement will not be getting her back. No way, no how. I can NOT let this little treasure go! Even if she didn’t sleep more than 2 hours straight last night.

*sigh* She’s awake and telling me to Stop [blogging] in the name of love, and smooch her cheeks. When baby girl talks, we obey. We only have six days left.

Oh, and Simeon loves her too, though I think he’s a bit disappointed that she will not play trains with him. No one’s perfect. It’s a lesson he should learn now.

Later friends!

…all you fly mothers, get on out there and dance! Dance, I said!

We’re getting a baby.

It’s just for a week, but I am thrilled. We’re providing respite care for another foster family. From what I hear she is a healthy, easy baby and will come with everything we need. Yay!!!

I’ll keep y’all posted.

Now, go, try to get that song out of your head. It’s not possible.

I have a full arsenal of depilatory creams, waxes and devices. If I do not maintain regular habits of ripping the hair out of my face I will look like this:

I kid, I kid. Seriously, I’m being too hard on myself. Realistically though, I would look a lot like this:

The similarities are shocking.

So it should have come as no surprise that when I was in the locker room the other day, two women speaking spanish began eyeing me suspiciously.

“Ju understand what we say?” She asked in an accusatory tone.

“ummm, naw..” I said in my southern drawl.

“Jus shore?” Skeptically.

“I’m sure, I speak not a word of spanish.”

Finally satisfied that I was not eavesdropping on their conversation, she clapped me on the back and said that I should at least be able to count to ten and order a taco or burrito. I conceded her point and chuckled nervously.

She pointed at my face and said I could be Mexican. That’s cool. This is awkward.

It’s good to know I’ve got a place to go should I ever need to change my identity. Though this is more like what my great-grandmother looked like, You can call me Frieda. Ole!

Leo’s been out of town since Sunday night.

I’ve been wearing the same pj’s since then.

We’ve eaten soup and pizza from a box.

I might put on a bra and take the kid to Chick-fil-a tonight. It would be good to get him out.

I let him pee in the driveway yesterday.

I watched Masfield Park and the Republic of Love on hulu. I read a chapter in the new book I’m reading. I let Simeon watch cartoons for five hours straight yesterday.

I’ve been in love with Leo since I was 14 years old (well at 14 it was more of a distance infatuation, but that grew to love). When we’re apart I’m not right. I’m not well. I miss him.

He sits in his hotel room, whever in the world he is and won’t see the sights, won’t visit with non work people. He waits anxiously to come home.

Home, where we’ll hide away from the world, just the three of us and enjoy our own company .We’ll try desperately to make up for the hours we’ve lost.

And I know it sounds really pathetic, but that’s when I’m right. That’s when I’m well. What can I say? All these years, I’m still love sick for my man.

When I stand at my kitchen sink and turn my head to the left, this is what I see:

But there’s something missing form this picture. Usually, perched on the arm of the chair like a tiny bird ready to take flight is Simeon.

Often when I find him like this, perched on the arm of the chair watching tv or looking at a book, or driving his cars back and forth, I call out and interrupt his play. I point to my eye, then my heart, then to him. He yells out, or sometimes whispers, “I. lovf. You.” Sometimes he says. I lovf you too, mama [Monica]. It makes me feel warm and right when this happens.

The other day I saw him there and instead of interrupting his play, I just watched. I drank in deeply the sight of him. The constant whir of him. The energy, the light, the joy of him. I ached for him. I wanted so desperately to call to him. To point to my eye, then heart, then in his direction, but I didn’t. I couldn’t. I was overwhelemed with the loss of him. And I haven’t even lost him yet. Someday that perch may be occupied by another little body who I will also love very much. Perhaps it never will. That doesn’t really matter now. What matters is that this little bird boy. This little wiggly, giggly, smelly little boy will grow up and I may never know, probably won’t ever know what becomes of him.

It doesn’t mean I want to stop loving him. It doesn’t mean I won’t ever love another. It just reminds me to love with my all, my very best while I can. While I’ve got him here perched on my chair.

Hey Simeon: I. Love. You.

I love to go to my parents’ property. They own 50 acres of woods and fields and it’s quiet and peaceful and beautiful. They’ve got satellite TV, a phone line and my brother just hooked up wireless internet there, but I still like to pretend I must be unplugged. Try not to be jealous:

Court was a waste of time today. I’m still not exactly sure why we went. Mama caused drama. Everyone in the room rolled their eyes. I came home with everything exactly as it was when I left. Looks like we’ll have our dear little boy several more months yet. Yay for us!

I’m going to court tomorrow. To be honest, I’m not exactly sure why. This isn’t a custody hearing and even if it were, nothing would change, Trixie (that name still makes me laugh) hasn’t changed anything and Simeon’s therapist is making a recommendation for a more intensive evaluation, so he won’t be able to go home until that gets done. At least, that’s my understanding.

So, say a prayer for us, but I don’t know what to pray for because I don’t know why we’re going. I guess you can pray protection over Leo and I. It’s possible mom’s trying to throw some drama our way. Humph! Pray that if there are decisions to be made, that they are for the safety and well being of Simeon.

Thanks y’all!