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L, M, N,O… Can you guess where this is going?

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They are sneaky night pee-ers. Both of the twins. They wet themselves. Raja (formerly Thing one. I felt that was a little too objectifying and Raja means hope… which he needs. Saddest child I ever did meet) was discovered pretty shortly after he arrived and we got him in his pull ups before long.

Problem. Solved.

After two weeks, I walked in to find Lyberty’s room smelling a bit like a cat box.


Apparently she’s been night peeing and hiding it well. She folds her pajamas away in the drawer in the morning. She may have wiped herself down. I’m not sure what all she did, but once I started searching, I found very little night paraphernalia not smelling strongly of old pee.

*sigh* Good thing I have princess pull-ups on hand at all times. We were able to establish some peace and appease the diaperishness of pull-up with the very pinkness of them.

On a sadder note, we’re going to visit my family this weekend. I was hurriedly packing everyone up before bed because I have a busy day tomorrow.

I didn’t think and I should have. Fail.

These kids aren’t quite four yet and they’ve lived in four separate homes (including ours), plus have moved home twice during that time. It’s so sad. It’s so very sad. And that kind of trauma can’t be overlooked. It cannot be forgotten.

I forgot. Raja saw his suitcase packed by the door before bed. As I was leaving the room for the night he began a low moaning sob. The sadness filled every corner of the room. His grief and fear were palpable.

I saw the suitcase out of the corner of my eye and I knew. I should have known.

He’s so afraid. And he has no reason to believe me when I tell him he’s not leaving tomorrow.

Y’all. It nearly broke my heart in two. So tiny. So scared. So untrusting. So hopeless.

I’m angry at all the people who have rejected he and his sister so many times in the past. The injustice, the offense is almost unbearable.

And yet, it’s because we’re willing to kneel beside their beds at night, wipe their tears and bear it with them that we believe there’s hope. I do not doubt for an instant that there is hope.


About Monica

Christ following, husband loving, children hugging foster and adoptive mama.

2 responses »

  1. Love your blog, just stumbled upon it. Can’t wait to read more. Thanks for sharing. I just started a blog about foster care and would love if you’d stop by and check it out!

    ~Jess @

  2. i have used odor disposers on a mattress before


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