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Trauma’s the tune! Sing it again Sam!

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So we have a new little boy in our home. His name is Sam (not really). He’s been here since Saturday when we agreed to an emergency placement that would end Monday morning. Yeah…. I don’t know how long he’ll be here. No one’s talking.

Sam has a baby brother who’s in the hospital because of horrendous, unspeakable abuse. The stuff of nightmares and horror films. And you know as well as I, if it’s happened to one, it’s probably happened to them both. And Sam’s got stories of his own.

Oh, and if we raise our voices for any reason, the kid goes catatonic. Like rigamortis has set. Today I wasn’t even in the room and he hit Simeon. Typical preschooler stuff. But I guess he thought he was going to get in trouble. Simeon called me in because Sam had snake crawled under the bed and had gone catatonic. I tried to coax him out, but eventually figured at least I knew where he was. And if that’s where he felt safe, I could slide pb&j under there.

Fortunately, it didn’t come to that. The mention of dinosaur chicken nuggets broke the spell. Amazing what junk food can do. He also didn’t recognize apple slices as edible food stuffs. And he ate ketchup with a spoon. Blech!

Leo and I are torn. He’s a nice fit. The boys do get along surprisingly well. We’d be happy to say yes for a while at least. But then there’s the brother. And the fact that we can’t fit another kid in the car. And it gets complicated. So I don’t know what’s going to happen. *sigh*

And all that news from Simeon’s mom… Lies. All lies. She’s out of state. The baby’s in state care. They are still working towards reunification. My heart breaks. I’m really not even in a place to talk about it right now. *double sigh*

Hi’ve still got hives. They’re worse at night. Last night my entire torso was swathed in red welts. My ears and elbows and eyelids and knuckle dimples and haunches and neck and pretty much every other area of flesh. The days aren’t so itchy so I can bear it until I can find time to go to the doctor. Perhaps it’s all the toxic heart wounds my children bear. It gets heavy – the burdening thoughts of all the bad people in the world. And if my little brood is so damaged, how many others out there aren’t being helped?

It gets to me sometimes. Which I guess is good. Wouldn’t be worse if it didn’t?

Anyway, Sweet Daisy is watching Simeon and D so I can take Sam to be interviewed by the investigator of his case. And Leo’s working late. I think bedtime will go swimmingly (sarcasm). But Lord knows, I can deal with some crazy kids if it means whoever did these unspeakable acts gets put away.


About Monica

Christ following, husband loving, children hugging foster and adoptive mama.

6 responses »

  1. Sigh…nothing else to say but I love you and you are my hero.

  2. Somedays it gets to me too. There will always be hurt kids. No matter how much we help, no matter how many changes in society, in everything, it is an imperfect world and there will be hurt kids, and hurt people. As long as it doens’t get you so down you want to give up. Even one is worth fighting and praying for and being there for.
    Thank God for every person, including you, that makes a sacrifice to help the ones you can. I watched the latest Harry Potter movie and as I saw the people in the movie prepare for a battle they might not live through, it occured to me that sometimes we literally give up our life for a cause but more often, we give our lives to a cause, and truly isn’t that the same? To give up the life we had thought we wanted, in order to live the life that is needed. Giving your life over to a cause where you live with something hard every day and choose over and over again to keep on living that life rather than take an easier course. Kudos to you and your family. I hope my family can make even half the difference yours has.
    Melissa in Durham

  3. What Melissa said.

    also, re hives. I remember reading on christine moer’s blog a little while ago that she had overnight success with large doses of vit c.

    • Bless you! I thought I’d made it out tonight without them, but within about 10 minutes I began to be covered again. This is bizzare! I’m trying vit C asap!

  4. Bless you, my friend. Praying the hives are healed in Jesus’ name!


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