What with my posting every seventeen and a half days, one would be hard pressed to know that I’ll be out of town and unplugged for the next four.
I’ll be alone. All alone. Wonderfully, silently, no tv, no computer, alone.
My folks have a small cabin (kitchenette, bathroom with big fluffy towels, air conditioning, satelite tv – you know, roughing it) behind their house at the farm and I’m headed out in just a few hours. I’m feeling a bit thin. Wrung dry. I feel like I yell more than I think. I need to breathe deeply. I need to center. To pray.
Parenting Simeon (and the others) has been my greatest joy, but it’s also been the hardest, most draining thing I’ve ever done. Leo has taken note. I believe it was two weeks ago, about the time I called him after kicking a hole in the bathroom wall and told him that if I didn’t get out of here I was going to explode. He’s very intuitive that way.
I’m tired of hiding out in my bathroom. And I’m tired of that ugly size six hole glaring back at me. I’m tired of yelling. I’m tired of hugging him when I’d rather be wringing his neck (Simeon’s). I’ve lost my creativity. I don’t know how to out crazy the crazy anymore. I’m tired of feeling like I can’t catch my breath. So my sweet, sweet husband is letting me run. And be silent. And be still. And hopefully when I get back, I’ll have some new perspective. Who knows, maybe even a revelation that will lead to another ground breaking step.
I’m excited to go. I’m also nervous. Simeon has never woken up without me here. We’ve never spent more than a few hours a part. I hope it’s really good for us. But I kind of hope it’s not too good, know what I mean? I pray that Leo has an easy and relaxing weekend with the kids, but not too relaxing. You know? Is that awful to say?
Either way, I’m out. For this extroverted introvert, a weekend retreat of solitude and silence is almost too good to be true. It’s like decadence topped with dark chocolate sauce. Hope y’all have a fabulous weekend wherever you are and whoever you’re with!