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No foster mom is an island…

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But sometimes it feels that way. It really does.

I imagine at least one mom out there is reading this with tears in her eyes and is feeling very, very alone.

We are the secret keepers. Sometimes the secrets we keep are dark. And hurt deeply.

We must protect our family. Our children. Their stories and their dignity. Sometimes that means there are things that hard to talk about with even your nearest and dearest, and sometimes we don’t know how, and sometimes we can’t. Even when we desperately want to.

Sometimes we try, but people forget where our kids come from, or don’t understand trauma on the brain. Worse, the heart.

Sometimes people look at our kids laughing and playing and deeply in love with us and they simply don’t believe there is darkness just under the surface. Or tension pulsing between us.

But we know there is. And that tension can be isolating.

Besides, how often does one want to try to convince the world just how difficult it is to live with their kid some days? Not very. Mostly because others simply cannot understand what a dichotomy it is for a heart to pump with love and hope and joy at the treasure you hold and still find yourself floundering with anger and fear and confusion over the tangle of feelings in which you have trapped each other.

All of this is why I am so thankful for the little community of hidden face and secret names. Because when I feel my most alone, I can log on and see that I am not. And that means the world to my sanity.

So if you are new. Or if you are experienced and still feeling alone. Know that you are not. There are many, many moms out there who get it. Because they’ve been there. Now, dry your eyes, get off the bathroom floor and face those precious, precious mutants children you have been blessed to love! If you need to chat. We’re here.


About Monica

Christ following, husband loving, children hugging foster and adoptive mama.

7 responses »

  1. beautifully said, thank you.

    Its so hard to find others that understand…sometimes overflowing blessings feel a lot like drowning.

    and ironic since i’m reading this from the bathroom where I’ve stolen a few minutes peace from my mutant, errr, wonderful child. its almost bed time, right?

  2. Beautiful. Thank you so much for this. We obviously don’t know each other (even online), but I am continually blessed and encouraged by your writing. I was writing a post very similar this morning, and I linked over here when I finished it up this afternoon. I hope that’s ok, but I will gladly take it down if you’d rather I not have done that.

  3. don’t know me either, but (most of) the blogs I read are inspirational and will be immeasurable support when I’m there

  4. Just ran across your blog… loving it. This is so well put! We spent our first two years feeling like we were in a world by our self. I would love to link or guest post it on our site… Please let me know if that’s ok with you.

    • I’ve added your blog to my reader! Thanks for letting me know you’re there. Please feel free to link or guest post this, or any of my posts. Just let me know 🙂

  5. Fostering has been the most isolating thing I have ever done. This post expresses how I feel so well. I am just now realizing the online community of foster moms and it is really helping! Thanks.


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