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I not feelin’ good.

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We weren’t going to tell him yet. It’s a lot to lose your parents forever.

I thought it might be easier if I let the conversation naturally evolve.

I should have known he’s smarter than that.

Today, after many phone conversations spoken in code, Simeon had had enough. Out of nowhere I found myself in the middle of a fury. He was mad. And it hit me. Every time the phone rang, he played close. And quiet. He was listening. And he knew it was about him. And he didn’t like it.

So after his nap today, he climbed up in Leo’s lap and we began to tell him. We told him he wouldn’t be able to see his parents anymore. That many people who cared about him knew that his parents loved him, but they couldn’t keep him safe. So they decided that it would be better to be somewhere where he could be loved AND safe.

He buried his face in Leo’s chest and cried. He said “I not feelin’ good.” We told him that it was Ok. That he hurt and he may hurt a long time. But that we would be here to love him and help him. And we told him he could talk about his parents as much as he needed to. And that he could always, always love them. Then we prayed for them, for him and for us.

After a few moments of silence I asked him what he was thinking. He said “movies…” We laughed. And then he climbed up on his knees and wrapped his skinny¬†little arms around both of our necks and squeezed a huge silly hug.

It was the most precious gift he could have given us at that moment.

This boy is our most treasured gift! I know he will face hurt over the years, but his resilience is mind- blowing. I don’t think I could love this kid any more.


About Monica

Christ following, husband loving, children hugging foster and adoptive mama.

10 responses »

  1. Weeping more as I read this one. Wow!

  2. Oh my goodness…what a sweet boy he is. Praise God that he is putting his feelings into words. That’s huge.

  3. Wow. Big stuff for a little guy. Wow……

  4. What a sweet family you are. I love that you are so sensitive to his loss. Some don’t understand why their child should be sad when it means that the legal battle is over and they can now be adopted.

    You’re doing great. Good luck with all the complicated feelings, I hope he continues to let you know when he needs to talk and have a squeeze.

  5. That is HUGE. He’s telling you how he feels. And he’s male! Wow. Happy for this, but sad he’s feeling it in the first place.

  6. Holy moly. I came to visit from another blog and am swept into this incredible story of hope and despair. I am going to read more.

  7. About to cry here… You are amazing.


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