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“I’m in a glass case of emotion”

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T minus four days.

We go to court.

For the big T.

Termination. Would that make the judge the Terminator. Heh.

This is it. (As much it as it can be, right?)

You know what I feel? Nervous. Jittery, panicky, sweaty nervous.

Maybe it won’t happen. It probably won’t happen. But then it could happen. And then this is really it. We’re committed. Like forever. No matter what. Well of course we’re committed. This is what we want. This is what we want, right? Of course it’s what we want. I wonder if there will be drama. Of course there will be drama. I wonder if she’ll leave the state when this is done. I wonder if we’ll get the new baby. Could we just focus on this one, please? Focus? I can’t focus. I have big feelings. I don’t know what these big feelings are. Hello, and welcome to my child’s world. Now we both have big feelings. And we’re both scared. And we’re both riding the crazy train. Can I back that thing up? Probably not.

This is an example of what my brain does if I allow my thoughts to linger for even a moment on the upcoming events.

Gah! Four more days!

Oh, and have I mentioned therapy? I’ll come back to that soon. It’s a whole other post…


About Monica

Christ following, husband loving, children hugging foster and adoptive mama.

6 responses »

  1. I’ll pray too. ‘Specially on Monday. What a day that will be I’m sure!!

  2. I’ve been thinking about you guys non-stop. Such a crazy time. There aren’t even words, just….Gah!!!!

  3. me too. sweaty nervous.

  4. !!!!!!!!!! (I feel like my emotions here could be summed up by a thousand exclamation marks) !!!!!!!!

  5. Hey. It’s Janelle from mymenandme. Just wanted to encourage you as you prepare to face court. I was biting my fingernails off in a court room a few weeks ago. Praying it all goes well for you and your precious little one. (Love the valentine/love theme in your house!)


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