T minus four days.
We go to court.
For the big T.
Termination. Would that make the judge the Terminator. Heh.
This is it. (As much it as it can be, right?)
You know what I feel? Nervous. Jittery, panicky, sweaty nervous.
Maybe it won’t happen. It probably won’t happen. But then it could happen. And then this is really it. We’re committed. Like forever. No matter what. Well of course we’re committed. This is what we want. This is what we want, right? Of course it’s what we want. I wonder if there will be drama. Of course there will be drama. I wonder if she’ll leave the state when this is done. I wonder if we’ll get the new baby. Could we just focus on this one, please? Focus? I can’t focus. I have big feelings. I don’t know what these big feelings are. Hello, and welcome to my child’s world. Now we both have big feelings. And we’re both scared. And we’re both riding the crazy train. Can I back that thing up? Probably not.
This is an example of what my brain does if I allow my thoughts to linger for even a moment on the upcoming events.
Gah! Four more days!
Oh, and have I mentioned therapy? I’ll come back to that soon. It’s a whole other post…