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Sure there are flaws, but injust it is not.

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I would not consider myself a trail blazer, but I’m no lemming either. I didn’t drink the cool-ade. I didn’t sell my soul.

I truly believe this ‘system’ can work. I know there are flaws. I know where it breaks down and why. But I also understand the foster care vision and mission. At least, I think I do.

I think the biggest problem is that we’re desperately trying to patch a break in humanity, and as mere humans, we cannot patch a wound of eternal consequence.

Lately, as Leo and I have shared our heart ache with others we’ve received a variety of discomforting sympathies. The worst of which is the belief that returning Cordelia to her family is a great injustice to us and to her. Frankly, I don’t believe this to be the case.

Injustice is a mother who knowingly uses crack while pregnant. Injustice is a mother who abandons her child because of her own desires. Injustice would be no one stepping in to help, even when doing so could save a life (yeah, ouch! so many places this one stings). Injustice would be us refusing to give love to Cordelia’s family, to Cordelia, or to the next child because we want, want, want…

Leo and I are not being punished by losing Cordelia. She’s not being punished either. The grief we are feeling is natural. It’s good. It doesn’t feel good, but good it is. Cordelia’s family didn’t know she existed. There are so many things wrong with this situation, but denying them a child they clearly love and want isn’t going to make things better. Even if we have loved her first.

And I know in the flesh it doesn’t make sense. I’ve wrestled with it, too. Still, I know that I have given Cordelia the best of starts. Because of me, she will know how to be comforted. Because of me, she will know how to play. Because of me, she will have a chance to develop healthy, whole relationships. I have given her an ideal beginning. She will be better because of me. And I know that she will not feel unwanted, or unloved. When I say goodbye to her, I trust that from my cells to hers, she will sense being wanted and loved, not disconnected or rejected. I trust that God has a better plan for her than that. Because I know that my God is just. I know it my very cells.

So as I pack her things, as I fold her tiny clothes and prepare her Christmas (because we’re sending her off with a full Christmas to celebrate her arrival to her family) I imagine I am carefully and tenderly wrapping and packaging my own heart. If I’m going to send off a piece of myself, I’m going to do it in style and I’m going to choose to do it with joy. Not with cries of injustice.

But you must return to your God; maintain love and justice, and wait for your God always. -Hosea 12:6


About Monica

Christ following, husband loving, children hugging foster and adoptive mama.

10 responses »

  1. I’ve come to accept that if you aren’t a person who is doing, living and breathing “the system” day in and day out, you simply can not understand. Those others are well-meaning, I’m sure, but they just don’t get it. I know exactly what you mean by “discomforting sympathies”. They sting when they are meant to soothe and I find myself defending rather than accepting comfort.

    But you get it. You get it so very well. You’re an inspiration to me.

  2. Mommie2be said it perfectly!!

  3. You got spirit, yes you do! Cheering you on from the sidelines!

  4. I love it! You conveyed your point with grace and wisdom.

  5. Why has no one mentioned that I spelled Kool Aid, cool-ade? I guess the gallons of red-40 I drank as a kid have interfered with my ability to correctly brand name. Way to be there, guys.

  6. Like I said, I am thankful that Cordelia is passionately wanted. What a great thing to be told as she grows up…we wanted you. In her heart she will always have that mama and papa love that she has had with you since July. I am just sorry that this hurts you. But you are right, it is a good kind of hurt and you are better for it. Love you so much.

  7. It is so true that well meaning others don’t always get the fostering thing…knowing that you love her perfectly and in that moment (and in that placement – however brief) and send that love with her into the unknown future with trust and hope is what we are called to do again and again. It isn’t easy work. We’ll be thinking of you all. PS: I just thought you drank Cool-Aid (since you are sooooo cool!)

  8. I love your heart. That precious, kind heart that is going into that suitcase, and that’ dear girl’s little soul. Bless her. You will see her again, one way or another. This I know.


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