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Wishing, hoping, praying.

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Last night Leo and I had a couple and their little boy over for dinner. It was fun getting to know them a little better. Of course, they got to know us a lot better because about 7 minutes after dessert Simeon took a head long crash into rage.

Nice.

So, while I left Leo in the living room to make small talk over the wailing and screaming and apocalyptic banging of tiny fists on the wall, I sat next to Simeon wishing, hoping, praying it would all be over soon.

About thirty minutes later, he was fine. Normal. Smiling. Acting as though nothing unusal had happened.

I was embarrassed, exhausted and crying in front of our guests.

At one point, as they were standing to leave (props for not fleeing in terror) I did this awkward curtsy to play off the crazy show we just gave them. They laughed. Thank God.

Simeon is unpredictable and exhausting and charming and creative and infuriating and wonderfully addictive and awe-inspiring and nauseating and wonderful and dreadful and I think he may just be driving me crazy.

But, hey, at least we’ll have each other.

Nine days and counting until we see the psychologist. I know that this is not going to fix things. I know that this is not going to be THE answer to all of our struggles. I know that this may, in fact, not change things at all, but I can’t help hoping and praying that we at least learn something new and shed a little light on all these murky feelings we’re wading through.

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About Monica

Christ following, husband loving, children hugging foster and adoptive mama.

5 responses »

  1. I so wish we lived near each other!!!!
    We’d come over to your house to feel normal! 🙂

    Reply
  2. I highly recommend the book “The Connected Child”. It helps shed some light on the reasons behind the wonky behavior. It also gives good tools for dealing with specific situations.

    I know that I did feel a little bit better after we got the psych evals back on our two foster daughters. If nothing more than validation that I had already diagnosed them accurately all on my own. 🙂 And, if all works as it should, the “official” diagnoses should help you get the proper level of services and support that you need to parent a child with that kind of background.

    Just know that YOU’RE not crazy! Even when everything around you feels like it is. Hang in there!!

    Reply
  3. What they both said.

    Is there a trigger for all this? Anniversary? Birthday? What is this all about? I guess if you knew, you would already have it all figured out.

    As if it was that easy. Sigh.

    Book Talk. I read “Lamb” by Moore and liked it, in a Mel Brooks kinda way. I love Dave Eggers. LOVE.

    Reply
  4. Haven’t talked to you in a few days. Don’t think of this lapse as any lack in struggling with you over Simeon. My heart has been in breaking mode for him and for you and Leo. In my prayers I have been thinking of the Israelites, with the Red Sea in front of them and Pharoah’s army behind them. It is in those places in life, when we have no place to go, that God does miracles. It is in these places that we rely on God. It is so scary. I am trusting God for miracles in the life of Simeon. In your lives. While I wait, I weep. That is just the way it is. My heart is full. I love you so much.

    Reply

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