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But, I checked the box marked ‘no’

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So, blogger fail. Whatever, I’m back. Today. Don’t hold me to anything.

When Leo and I signed up for this foster care business, we were asked if we were looking to adopt. We said no.

Shows what we know.

First, Simeon had the. worst. visit. ever. this week. Ugh! I dropped him off and all was fine, but when I went back to get him, he was not in the room and George Clinton mom was in the doorway lookin’ crazy eyed.

Oh, boy.

Just as mom began her angry tirade, another foster parent and social worker jumped in between us and started mother hen-ing me out the door.

Come to find out, she had been cursing rather loudly on the phone. Wait, you ask, wasn’t she supposed to be visiting? Yes. She was. And no, she wasn’t. And yes, she is crazy cakes. Anyway. She was cursing loudly and another case worker came out of a closed room and asked her politely to keep it down and watch her language. Afterall, they are in a hallway full of visitation rooms where children and parents are trying to maintain some semblance of a family bond.

Apparently, that small request was all it took to let the crazy fly. Within moments, they had mom blocked off and someone swooped in to take Simeon far away from the madness. When they brought him to me, they said he had begun screaming at her and throwing things. His eyes were vacant as he walked, zombie like, into my arms. I picked him up and silent tears stained the shoulder of my shirt. Neither of us had words for what happened. All we could do was hang on.

It’s not right. It’s simply not right. It’s a good thing I have a redemptive God full of compassion and grace, ’cause I’m all out.

All that to say, TPR will probably be happening in the next couple of months.

But, there’s still dad.

Simeon’s case worker said that she asked dad if he’d sign over rights. Well his answer, duh, was no. But, BUT, BUT, as she explained that his case wasn’t looking so hot, what with him being single, working multiple jobs all hours of the night and day and not having appropriate housing, he agreed that he would consider a guardianship. One in which he technically stays father and has rights to see his child (under our supervision, with our permission and by our standards), but we would raise him and make all of the decisions regarding his life.

It’s not ideal, but if it means we can keep him, then we’ll agree. It will be a long painful several months before we really get to that point, but that’s possible permanent child #1.

Second, Cordelia’s mother is done. As in, doesn’t want to even sign the papers. As in, if you want her, just take her, “I’m not doing anything.” Sad, but true. And easy. The possible father is unavailable. They can’t find family. If no one surfaces soon (I’m guessing around the 90 day mark) we’ll be looking for an adoptive family. Or, rather, we’ll be looking to become an adoptive family. Because really. Really. So, that’s possible permanent child #2.

I’m not sold on either idea until it actually happens. It would be heartbreaking to do that, but Leo and I are looking at our finances and adoption assistance options. We’re also considering the changes we’ll need to make to our bedding set ups, and car room, and life manageability. I don’t want to stop fostering. It’s a lot to chew on. Especially since all of it is so tenuous and vague on timelines, but reality is that we have to start chewing.

I’m scared. I’m excited. I’m skeptical. I’m hopeful… did I mention I’m scared? And excited? And skeptical? And hopeful?

Does that ridiculously redundant sentence annoy you, too?

However it goes, on either case, I’ll keep you posted.

PS: Alli picked Roberto. Duh. Also, Chris really is a good guy. I may have had a little sniffle. ’till they broke out the rainbow. I’m thinking no to the Bachelor Pad. Anyone have thoughts on this?


About Monica

Christ following, husband loving, children hugging foster and adoptive mama.

9 responses »

  1. I wish I watched that show so I could bond for with you.

    Seriously, friend, I am trying to contain my excitement for you…just in case. But, pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease is what I pray every night.

    I’m not sure that’s the way I’m supposed to pray, but it is what it is.

  2. Wow, wow, wow! I mean, wow!! You be as skeptical as you need, but I’m going to go ahead and be excited!

    As for bachelor pad, I’ll be tuning in for at least the first episode. What can I say? I like drama and crazy – I am a foster parent, after all.

  3. I am so excited for you! I know what hard decisions all of these are, and I’ll be praying for you all. How incredible!

  4. Good luck with these decisions…they’re so, so hard. So sorry about Simons awful visit. I hate it when parent visits turn out to be harder on the kids, which usually seems to be the case. Our kids always would come home after visits very confused, tired and fussy. Breaks my heart.

    I’m an avid bachelor/bachelorette watcher, but I think I’m gonna stay clear of the bachelor pad. I love drama, but that almost looks like too much, even for me. It also looks super dirty…and there’s a certain point where I just say no.

  5. Lots going on for you! So sorry about the bad visit, but so glad the crazy took place where it could be documented to protect S.

    That shared custody agreement or whatever it is sounds like it could become difficult any time the father wanted to make life hard on you. It’s difficult enough to parent a child when you’re husband and wife, but throw another person in there and its a mess. Too many parents in the playroom or something like that. But I guess if that’s the only way you can get him then it’s worth a go.

  6. Excited, scared, skeptical and hopeful. Yup. That about sums it up! We said we’d never adopt either and here we are, with a 20 year old bio son, 11 year old adopted son and updating our homestudy to adopt a sibling group….hmmmmm. Welcome to the crazy club!

  7. This blog post needs to turn into you calling me sometime very soon….

  8. I am praying for you Lil’ Momma. God knows so much more than we do and I am always SO very glad for that. I will be praying His will be done.

  9. In tears as I read this one. Praying for you and these kiddos. I simply can’t imagine anyone who would turn over their children. So thankful they have you to shower them with hugs and kisses. Smooches and hugs to you, Mon. 😉


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