I am most me in summer. I love to swim and I’m at the pool a lot, so I needed to go bathing suit shopping.
I know some people dread this very act. I don’t really.
The problem is, that bathing suit designers must think I do.
I went to a big box store and tried on several suits. I walked out with an XL in misses. It just fits and there’s no room for growth, but it’s really cute and flattering to my figure. I feel a little sexy and also modest. Exactly my most comfortable!
The problem is, though, I sometimes need plus-sized clothes, especially when covering my bottom half, so I did try on several plus-sized suits. It was one of the most depressing experiences of my life. The suits were big and shapeless. Wearing those suits, covered every one of my curves. I felt like I was wearing a big spandex sack.
This venture made me really stop and assess myself. What I like and what I don’t. Afterall, if I need plus-sized clothing, should I be ashamed of my shape? Should I naturally want my clothes to be baggy and formless?
No. No I don’t. I like me. I’m proud of me. I finally stood there in the suit I bought and took a good long look at me. Here’s what I saw:
I have curves. Big, soft, curves.
My hips are wide and my waist is small. This is the perfect seat for babies. Soft, well balanced.
My breasts are heavier than they’ve ever been. Full. Womanly. I like the round shape of them.
My belly, too. I like the roundness of it. The softness of it. Sure, I would love it still if there were less of it, but I’m ok with it for now.
My legs are thick and sturdy and strong. I carry all of my curves plus many babies on these legs. They bear the scars of my childhood. They’ve been broken and shattered more times than I can count, and still I keep going.
My feet are small and sweet. I like my stair step toes, always red.
I like that my hair is dark. I like that my skin is ruddy and red like the clay on the land my great grandparents worked. I like that I’m soft and warm. I like that when my husband pulls me close, I am ample enough for him. He can wrap his arms around me and I fill up the space between us. I like that when my babies climb in my lap, they have a soft place to lay their heads.
There was a time when I despised the way I looked. There are days that insecurity has me second guessing wardrobe choices again and again, but I’m slowly growing less ashamed of my form. I’ve no desire to hide or disguise me. I like me. I am proud to be me.
Tell me friends, what do you like? If you haven’t taken time to look lately, spare a moment and give yourself a nice long once over. What are the beautiful parts of you? Share if you wish. It feels good.