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I can see the light

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The children will be moving to a new home.

It’s going to be hard for them, but I think they will get better care in the long run. They also won’t have me screaming at them all day. That will be nice for them.

It’s not going to be so hard for us. I won’t be screaming all day. That will be nice for me.

Fostering isn’t easy. I don’t mold the children from infancy to follow my voice, to hear my heart, to understand my motivation. We don’t yet know the subtleties of each personality. They come, ready made and in the throws of development, having a view and understanding of the workings of their worlds.

Sometimes the fit is perfect. Simeon fits well.

Sometimes it’s a bit stretching, but we all change for the better. Ophelia made us better.

Sometimes it doesn’t work. They aren’t bad children. We aren’t bad parents. We simply do not fit. And unlike friendships, co-workers, family members, these relationships MUST work well for the children to begin healing. To keep the foster parents going, willing and able. Angelo and Bianca do not fit. Currently, Simeon is suffering more from their presence than they will from their move.

It isn’t easy. It doesn’t mean we don’t love them. It doesn’t mean we don’t hope and pray as desperately as we did for the ones before. I dare say we hope and pray bigger. More passionately. With fervor.

It’s been a dark two weeks. It’s been a hard two weeks. My whole body aches from stress and exhaustion. My heart aches from the waiting, the trying, the deciding. But, I can see the light and I’m ready to move on.


About Monica

Christ following, husband loving, children hugging foster and adoptive mama.

6 responses »

  1. Bless you. This had to be hard.

  2. I can hear the relief in your voice and I’m so glad for it. I imagine that acknowledging a poor fit is tough, but I give you big kudos for doing it. I’m so very grateful for our kids’ previous foster mom who did the same. Embrace the light!

  3. Sometimes being a great parent means making the toughest decisions. I know this has been a tough decision and I know that you have sought His council. Still praying….

  4. Wishing you peace (and quiet!) with the transiiton. We have also had children leave – and while friends or family haven’t always agreed or supported our decision we have known in our hearts when it was the right decision for our family and the children.

  5. I just found your blog via another blog. I am 17, and my family has been a foster family since I was 8 years old. We have fostered 14 precious little kiddos and adopted two little boys several years ago through the system. In september of last year, my two little foster sisters (whom we had for 11 months and I am more bonded to than ever) left our home (it was the hardest thing I have ever done) and we decided to take a hiatus from fostering. That’s where we are now. It still hurts. I still cry. I still miss them.That’s fostering for you.

    I just wanted to let you know I read through your last two weeks of posts and I can so relate. I admire to so much for acknowledging that these kids aren’t suppose to be in your home and for taking the step to make sure they go to a place where they can grow and thrive. Know that I’m praying for them (and you) tomorrow as they go on to a new home.

    ~Kylee (

  6. Disruptions are so hard.
    When I had my baby girl we were feeling over the top overwhelmed and had it not been for the persistent procrastination (is that oxymoronic?) of the workers involved, we would have had X-man move.
    But it takes a lot of courage and strength to be able to say that it needs to happen, that the kids need to move, that they’d be better off somewhere else. It takes humility and love.
    You all are in our prayers. (Revel in the quiet, cause goodness knows your phone will be ringing shortly!)


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