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I miss Simeon.

I’m tired.

I’m already tired of the talking And the whining. And the negativity. And the icky insincere affection. And the weird death threats. Today he ran his index finger along my neck like he was going to slit my throat. Cute, no?

I’m tired of people coming to my house.

I’ve had kids I’ve attached to easier than others. This pair takes the cake. I take that back. Bianca I can handle. In fact, if it were just her, I’m certain I would really appreciate her more than the others her age.

Is it wrong to say I really don’t like Angelo?

There’s a wild look in his eyes. A hardness.

I’m already resenting the demands he makes on me. Too much. He’s never quiet. He’s always touching me, but not in a snuggly way.  He’s always wanting to show me things. He tries desperately to impress me, you know, when he’s not plotting my ultimate demise. He brags, he barters, he picks and picks and picks and picks…

I’m trying to remember where he’s come from. How many times he’s been rejected, abandoned. I’m trying to be empathetic to his confusion. It must be hard to understand what it takes to feel wanted, to be kept. He’s not had stability. He doesn’t know tenderness. I’m trying to have grace. I’m trying to be patient.

God help me, I’m trying.

I’m not doing a very good job.

I’m praying without ceasing. I’m praying that a miracle happens and Leo and I find stride and that Angelo can see that we would be happier if he tried a little less.


About Monica

Christ following, husband loving, children hugging foster and adoptive mama.

4 responses »

  1. OH, it’s hard. I’ve had students that try hard not to be lovable, although it sounds like Angelo is loving too hard. That is, when not doing creepy things.

    And, I’m so sorry, dear friend. I must have missed this. Simeon is gone? How did I miss this?

  2. I thought Simeon was still with you as well.

  3. Praying for you dear one! Praying for their little hearts to relax a bit. Praying that Simeon can handle it all in stride. Praying, praying.

  4. Where's the Party?

    Whew – Angelo would creep me out to. It is definitely okay not to like him; if I had to “like” Mark every day, I’d go nuts from the mental strain.

    Take care of him, love him, but don’t like him. (Isn’t that weird, how we can love a child while not liking them?)

    And on a serious note, is he going to be starting therapy soon? Will he be in school? Behavior like that probably won’t fly in a classroom setting. But unfortunately, as we both know, change takes lots and lots and lots of time.

    So stay patient but firm! And remember you are helping him, even if it seems like things are getting worse!


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