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You made me love you, I didn’t want to do it…

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Confession: I haven’t read my Bible today. I haven’t read anything but blogs.

Today Simeon and I have been head to head, will to will. He’s been angry and sad without reason all day. He refused to talk to me and when he did, he screamed. ALL DOG GONE DAY!

So I walked away. I left an angry, half naked little boy (he refused to finish dressing this morning) in his room so that I could pout in front of my computer and then I read my SIL’s  blog:

I think any woman who has decided to stay-at-home with their kids has had the moment at least once or twice where they say, “This is it?!”

My moments are few and far between, but this week it came on strong…

So I picked up Celebration of Discipline by Robert Foster. This morning it was just what I needed to get me out of my funk.

Foster’s book is a must read for anyone wanting to go deeper in their walk with God. This morning I was reading the chapter on submission. I’m going to quote a section I think every mom needs to hear:

“In submission we are at last free to value other people. Their dreams and plans become important to us. We have entered into a new, wonderful, glorious freedom- the freedom to give up our own rights for the good of others. For the first time we can love people unconditionally. We have given up the right to demand that they return our love. No longer do we feel that we have to be treated in a certain way. We rejoice in their successes. We feel genuine sorrow in their failures. It is of little consequence that our plans are frustrated if their plans succeed. We discover that it is far better to serve our neighbor than to have our own way.”

And that is what I forget in the trenches of tantrums and attitude problems and mounds of laundry.

Amazing.

I read it and instead of commenting right away, I prayed submission.

Then I went to Simeon’s room, picking up the flotsam and jetsam of his anger along the way. When I found him on the floor of his room, I picked him up and wrapped him in a huge hug. He wrapped his tiny arms around me and hugged the breath out of me. Still I held on.

I held on and on until he was ready to let go and while I held him, I felt him relax. Soon he was giggling in my face. I didn’t want to do it. I didn’t want to hold him and giggle with him. I wanted to take a bubble bath, buy a new shirt, read a book, eat chocolate, but I didn’t.

I remembered that I don’t have to be treated a certain way. I don’t have to be recognized or hailed or rewarded with hugs, I just have to submit to God, submit to Simeon, deny my self and choose to love well.

Oh, and to my SIL: You may not win any awards, or be recognized before crowds, but your ministry is bigger than you think. It’s more than your home, your kids. You’ve changed me. You’ve touched me. And more people than I can name have encountered Christ through your love, too. So for what it’s worth, Thank you. I love you.

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About Monica

Christ following, husband loving, children hugging foster and adoptive mama.

4 responses »

  1. Add me to the list. What a wonderful reminder and convicting, too.

    I find that when I let go of my agenda, I finally figure out what is driving the misbehavior/tantrum more often than not. It’s letting go of control to gain control. Hard pill to swallow.

    Simeon is always going to remember those hugs.

    Reply
  2. shouldn’t be reading this at work- crying now.

    Reply
  3. I came to check if you had new kiddos, instead I had to go grab a box of tissues. So sweet. Thank you. I am truly humbled by your words.

    Reply

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