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I’m trying, really trying…

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I know I should show compassion. I’ve been shown much. I know I should show love. Oh, how I have been loved. But I don’t want to. I really, really don’t want to because I’m so angry.

We went to a court appointed meeting today. Several people in the system look over the case then make recommendations in the best interest of the child. It’s an extra measure of objectivity and I’m glad for it.

At the meeting, there was mama drama and it’s so incredibly ridiculous I can’t even find the words to express the absurdity of it all. This woman had a few precious minutes before the meeting today, a time she should have been preparing to make a case for herself. It was a good time to spend a some stolen minutes loving, assuring, cherishing the child she hasn’t seen in a week.

Instead she spent it showing attitude, rolling her eyes, steaming mad and hiding out in the bathroom until we were called back. I could hardly hold my face. I was appalled. She has given birth to one of the world’s greatest treasures and that insolent, fool of a woman couldn’t focus on anything but how angry she is and how wronged she has been. Seriously??? Seriously!!!

I sat in the waiting room, watching her tap her three inch long finger nails and imagined telling her exactly how angry I am and how foolish she is acting. Of course I would never, never do such a thing. It would take me ten minutes of cold sweats before I even dared send back a wrong order at a restaurant, I certainly would never verbally attack someone. I sure did fantasize the heck out of my wait time today, though!

Instead, I will hug her boy more closely. I will commit to telling him that I love him at least twice as often as I do now When he leaves, he may not hear it very often. For as long as he is my boy too, I will make sure he knows that he is cherished and loved and wanted and special. I will assure him that God has a plan for his life and that he has a destiny. I will spend twice as much time on my knees, seeking the presence of the Lord for his life. I will cry out on behalf of this dear boy, because if I don’t, his mother probably never will.

And I will try. I will really and truly try to see her the way I’m certain my God sees her. Beautiful, but broken. Willful and wayward. I know that His heart breaks for Simeon AND his mother. I will try, really try to show her some compassion, but I can’t do it on my own.

Everyone needs compassion,
Love that’s never failing;
Let mercy fall on me.
Everyone needs forgiveness,
The kindness of a Saviour;
The Hope of nations.

Saviour, He can move the mountains,
My God is Mighty to save,
He is Mighty to save.
Forever, Author of salvation,
He rose and conquered the grave,
Jesus conquered the grave.

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About Monica

Christ following, husband loving, children hugging foster and adoptive mama.

4 responses »

  1. just beautiful. I’ve always found a peaceful irony in the way that God’s plan becomes the most clear during the difficult times. Hold on tight to your faith, it will take you as far as you need to go.

    Reply
  2. My heart is breaking for you today. I suppose we’re all foster parents in a way, since the children belong to God, not us. But, oh is it hard sometimes….

    Reply
  3. I love you sweet friend, you are in my prayers. May the Lord continue to bless you for your faithful love to this little one and for the tender mercies you show his mama.

    Reply
  4. New reader… just wanted to say Hi!

    I understand… I have wanted to say some things to my foster baby’s mother as well…. it’s hard to keep your mouth shut sometimes.

    We are blessed though to have these little people in our lives. And hopefully we bless them too with knowing what life is really supposed to be like.

    Thank you for what you do!

    Reply

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