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Still Shaken

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Simeon had visitation yesterday. The Christmas gift he received from his mom was a dollar store truck. That’s it. I know it’s not the material that matters. I know it’s not the cost, but at this stage of the game what else does she have? She claims that she has a sugar daddy (her words, not mine) and I know how much money she had 3 months ago (more in savings than I’ve ever had in my life and more under her mattress than I’ve ever had in my life). I know she has a job in which she makes quite a bit of cash each night. I know that if I were in her shoes, I’d do everything I could to make the last time I saw my child before the holidays the best visit I could. Then again, I probably wouldn’t be in her shoes (red, fury, stiletto boots aren’t really my style).

After visitation, I took the boys out to lunch. Leo knew where we were and surprised us there on his way to a meeting across town. He headed out to his meeting, and I chose to let the boys play a little longer. He’d only been gone about 10 minutes when he called me. “Are you sitting down?”

I was. He said that my mother called, they thought that my father  (my step father) was having a heart attack and were rushing him to the hospital. He works on the north side of our huge city. My mother works 2 hours south. Leo and I were on the west side. And Leo was the first person my mother could think of to meet the ambulance at the hospital. She was on her way, but was stuck in bumper to bumper traffic.

My hands were shaking and I could barely catch my breath. It’s just been a year since my biological father died unexpectedly. He was dead before they got him to the hospital. A dear, dear family friend just had a heart attack last year and is now waiting for a heart transplant. He’s grown so weak and thin. I don’t want my dad to be weak and thin. I don’t want my dad to be dead. As calmly as I could, I packed both boys into the car and made phone calls to child services contacts, I called my sister in law to watch the kids and I waited for Leo to get to the hospital. He arrived before the ambulance, but informed me that the EMT did not think it was a heart attack. Apparently, my dad grew dizzy and was having pains on his left side. Then he collapsed and vomited. By the time he got to the hospital he was conscious and alert and in good humor.

I took the boys home and put them to nap, then waited by the phone anxiously for updates. I was also waiting to hear about any news on Zeb. His parents had court yesterday and if he was going home, they would be calling me.

By 5:30 my father’s diagnosis was diverticulitis. They were waiting on a scan to see if the colon had ruptured and if it had not, he was to be released. Thank God. Still, so soon after my biological father’s passing, I didn’t know how I would handle losing him. My father and I had a strained relationship and I had made peace with that. It was a shock losing him and I had to mourn the loss of hope that I would ever get to have a relationship with him. I had to mourn all those years that I wanted him to love me like I was his little girl and didn’t, but this man is different. This man is my daddy and I need him. He’s big and strong and kind. He was there when I graduated high school and failed out of my first year of art school. He encouraged me to pick myself up and start over. He is loyal and loving and threatened Leo’s life should he ever make me cry. He walked me down the aisle at my wedding and has listened and encouraged me all these years. Yesterday shook me hard.

By 5:30 I still had not heard about Zeb’s status. I’m very frustrated with the people in charge of his case and feel that they have not respected me as the caregiver of the child. No one has talked to me about any part of this case or given me any inclination as to whether or not I should expect him to be in care for long, or not. I could go on and on about the many reasons I’m frustrated about this, but for both of you still reading all these words, I’ll save that for another post. suffice it to say, we’ll probably have him a little while. I’ll be Christmas shopping tonight or tomorrow, exactly what I had planned to avoid this year. He’s definitely doing better and it’s getting easier to care for both boy, so as long as he needs a loving home, he’s welcome.

I hope you all have a peaceful and calm holiday! Blessings and love being sent your way!


About Monica

Christ following, husband loving, children hugging foster and adoptive mama.

3 responses »

  1. I’m still reading and praying. I have three teenage foster daughters. Merry Christmas.

  2. Sending prayers for all involved. I’m glad to hear it’s something treatable, unpleasant as the experience was.

    Can I send a present to Simeon?

  3. Praying for you, my dear.


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