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Visitations are like a slushy in the face*

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When mom walked in, she was on the phone and in no hurry to get off, so we all waited rather awkwardly while she finished her conversation. Then Simeon hugged her and asked her to scratch his back. She lifted his shirt to find one mosquito bite. As though I weren’t sitting 2 feet from her, she announced “She needs to get some hydrocortisone cream for him!” Ok, but really, for one mosquito bite? And, that was the first time he had ever mentioned it. Leo and I take Simeon outside  a lot. We play at the park and in the back yard, my parents own 50 acres of land and we took him to run wild in the woods and pastures. We live with mosquito bites. We also live with chiggers, no seeums, gnats and the occasional tick. That’s life in the great outdoors, and really, we’re pretty suburban. I suppose he’s never really spent much time outside of his apartment.

Before I left, I told her that we had been potty training and that he was doing well. She said that he won’t boo boo in the potty. Hmmm, he only “boo booed” in his pants once since potty training, and since he wasn’t potty trained when he arrived, I’m not sure how she would know that, but I politely said “well, he doesn’t boo boo in his pants, he only goes in the potty now.” She insisted he doesn’t and I said OK with a smile. Then I said he will probably need to go in about 30 minutes and if he, or she forgets, there was a change of clothes and a pull up in the bag. She turned wide eyed “he’s not in a pull-up??!!” Nope. That’s the point of potty training, right? She looked in disgust, “well, I’m glad you put one in there!”  When I picked him up, he was dry and in undies, so I guess the pottying went well enough.

After the visitation, he didn’t cry, but was out of it. It was like he was in a different place. I imagine the comings and goings are stressful, and lacking the ability to verbalize his feelings must be difficult. When he gets very upset he sort of spaces out. Sometimes he collapses to the floor and sometimes he just freezes. Usually I appreciate that instead of a temper tantrum, but after leaving a visitation it breaks my heart. I find those days to be emotionally trying for both of us. I think they always will be. There is something so unnatural about the whole situation. And tragically, we learned that mom has not discontinued the behavior that caused Simeon to be removed and the father, who desperately wanted custody a month ago, has requested a paternity test. It’s probably because he owes 10’s of thousands of back child support and is trying to find a way out. Part of me hopes for, Simeon’s sake, that it comes back negative. At least that’ll be one less criminal that has access to him. Part of me hopes it comes back positive. At least that way he’ll have a known father, even if the guy is a shmuck.

I know that God has plans for Simeon. Yesterday as I was praying for him and his mother, I heard very clearly that God knows what this boy faces, and that the plans He has for him are great. I know that God will be with him all the days of his life, but it makes me ill to think of all of the terrible things he may have to experience anyway. In the eyes of man, this kid’s future seems pretty hopeless. Praise the Lord, we have hope…

*I heart Glee. If you got the reference, you do to. Did we just become best friends?**

**If you got that reference, we really are best friends. Ok, Now I’m done. I promise.


About Monica

Christ following, husband loving, children hugging foster and adoptive mama.

4 responses »

  1. I am definitely your best friend -Leo (aka Lumberjack)

  2. I heart Glee too!! Did you watch last night??

    About the visit… agian.. Wow

  3. I got them both! LOL I am so in love with Glee! I didn’t have anything as fancy as Glee Club when I was in high school, but I was in vocal ensemble and we did perform (in these horribly ugly costumes/dresses/outfits).
    That show makes me happy 🙂

  4. Yes, we’re BFF’s now, but I could take or leave that show–Mr.4444 and the kids can’t get enough, so I go along with it 🙂

    Do you think Simeon is ready for you to give words to his emotions? Not that he would be mature enough to use them, but do you reflect his emotions back to him? Like, “That really makes you angry, doesn’t it?” or “This is frustrating, isn’t it?” Just a thought…

    I can’t imagine how hard it must be to go through visitations. I’ll keep the prayers coming…


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