After Simeon’s birthday party at the obnoxious beacon of bad kid behavior, I talked to the person supervising the visit and she said that mom asked if we could make phone calls. I didn’t really want her calling me, but I certainly do not mind allowing Simeon to talk to her. He’s great on the phone and knows who he’s talking to. I thought it would be good for him since I think he’s having trouble connecting her in his week to week, and I hoped it would be good to motivate her to get everything done so that she can have him back. So, we’ve started the phone calls.
I was given mom’s phone number and told to wait until everyone who needed to post an opnin on the phone calling agreed. Last week I received a call from a worker saying that I could have been calling and mom was asking why I hadn’t. Ummmm, because no one told me it was OK. I guess I need to start brushing up on my ESP skills.
The call last week went well. Simeon talked a lot. Mom cooed and giggled. I talked to her for a few minutes and told her that it would be best if we could set a regular time for talking. I was thinking twice a week, and she agreed. I asked her to set the best time for her and she suggested mid morning. Perfect!
So, a few days later I turned off the TV, told Simone we were calling Mommy, and dialed only to be sent to voice mail. I told her I’d call back in 20 minutes. I had to tell Simeon and sent him back to play. 20 minutes later, we did the whole thing again. This time I told her I would call her in 30 minutes and that if she didn’t answer, she could just wait to see him at visitation and I would call her later in the week.
The third time I called, she picked up after several rings. She sounded groggy. She had just woken up. My third phone call did it. I was a little perturbed, but Simeon was waiting and wiggly, so I handed him the phone. It went well. I heard her laughing and saying things like “hi baby, how are you? Are you having fun? I love you? Do you watch Barney (he doesn’t)? Do you play with toys (he does)? Do you go to [obnoxious beacon of bad kid behavior] (he doesn’t)? Etc.” He walked around the house showing her his toys, holding the phone up to show her the kitchen. He took the phone to the potty and “showed” her how he went potty. It was really funny, but very sad at the same time. He spent most of the call saying “see, mommy, see!!!” He wanted to share his life with her. He wanted her to participate in his world. She can’t. She won’t. Sad.
After about 10-15 minutes, I took the phone back and told her what he showed her and that he was doing very well. We talked about his behavior (good), potty training (good), and his sweet spirit. Then I asked her if the time we set was still good. She said that perhaps we should push it back an hour because she really likes to sleep in, then she thanked me for watching him for her. I’m sure she meant it like I was doing a good job stepping in because she made selling herself and partying a priority over her kid, but it sounded more like that she appreciated me watching her kid for her so she could have a break. I kindly agreed to the time, told her she was welcome, that caring for him was my pleasure (and it is) then hung up the phone and threw an inner hissy fit!
She likes to sleep in??? I like to sleep in! I was up with him untill nearly 3am and then we were up at 7. I had spent 3 hours fixing breakfast, taking potty, wiping his eliminations off of him, the floor, the wall and the toilet, fixing juice, pouring water, potty again, hugging, discipline,hugging, potty, and waiting for over an hour to get her to wake up and answer the phone so that her child could talk to her!!!! and she couldn’t even bother to get your self awake enough to answer the phone to talk to her child?!
I know that I cannot expect these women to act the same way I would – obviously – but I cannot imagine choosing sleep over hearing my child’s voice! And y’all know how much I love my sleep. I cannot imagine not being bothered by his absence enough not to wait by the phone for an hour praying that it would ring. I’ve only loved her child from a month and a half and I miss him when we’re apart for a couple of hours! She hasn’t seen him in two weeks, and she couldn’t even wake up by mid-morning… it was mid-freaking-morning!!! I mean really!!! Really??? REALLY!!!
Bwah! I’m done ranting. I told this story to Leo yesterday and he started singing Mighty to Save. Right. I know. Everyone deserves compassion, even Mama Simeon, but I don’t want to. I want to be angry, I want my indignation to be righteous. I spent hours on my knees before this child’s little body praying for protection from these kinds of heart aches and I know my God is bigger than all of this. He conquered the grave after all. If he can do that, this one mom’s screw ups are nothing for Him. But, they are big for me. I want to love like Christ. I want to show compassion and mercy. Somedays I do that very well. Somedays I don’t even have tot hink about it. Somedays it’s just not that simple. Somedays I have to choose to love even a gazillionth the amount my God does. Today is one of those days.